Heartache

As most of you already know and some of you don't, about a week ago I told Wayne I was pregnant. I had already known a few days but was waiting for confirmation and the perfect time to tell him which ended up being the night we celebrated his birthday. Of course excitement ensued. We had already been trying for baby number two and were just waiting for the positive result. We told family and friends right away because we were too excited to hold it in and then, a week later I began to have complications. Below is my journal entry for 1/25 and I just felt like it needed to be shared.



1/25/08

"I lost the baby. I was pretty sure I had and the blood test yesterday confirmed it. Who would believe that after knowing I was pregnant for only two weeks that it would hurt this much. I've cried but not as much as I thought I would. Despite the pain, oddly enough I feel at peace about it. God knows what He's doing. I wish with all my heart He could tell me what He's doing so the pain wouldn't be so bad but I'm trying to trust. To me that baby fit right into my schedule, a perfect time to get pregnant. But Wayne said God has a way better plan and schedule than I could imagine and maybe that's what He's trying to show me. With this loss I've definitely fallen in love with Jordyn even more and am just appreciating every little thing about her. I am so thankful God gave her to us and it has made the loss less painful because of our beautiful baby girl. This is the hardest thing I've had to go through and yet, it seems a lot easier than so many other things. I don't know what God's doing or why He chose to teach us by taking away our baby but I am hoping someday I will learn why and be grateful. I have already learned though that life is so precious and not promised so push away the worry and enjoy the day."